My love of art

I never thought I would one day consider myself an artist or even consider majoring in art.  I grew up know there was always going to be someone better then me at art, so why bother.  This notion changed after therapy.  I started to realize that it was okay to do art, and not be the best at it.  I started thinking about my life in general and realized that I didn't do a lot of things because I knew I wouldn't be the best so why bother trying. Once I said good-bye to this notion all together I was able to enjoy life as it was ment to be enjoyed.  I stopped worrying about being judge and started thinking about everything I had wanted to do, but had never done.  This led me to adding some humor in my Speech for speech team.  Although I didn't completely changed my category I pushed myself to add some humor.  Even though I never went to state I was okay with that. My Senior year in speech i decided to take a giant leap and switch categories to Humorous.  I had always wanted to be in this category. I knew I would probably not go to state because of this, I was okay with that.  Because I wasn't just doing this for myself, I was doing this to prove that I was stronger then trying to be the best.  Plus, I had a speech team to lead that kept falling apart.

You are all probably wondering what this has to do with art?  Well it has a lot to do with art, my senior year I took my first art class, no wait my second one because my Junior year i had to take an intro class.   I ended up excelling wonderfully.  I realized this a way for me to unwind from life and de- stress.

I decided after my second art class to never again let that one fear/ notion hold me back again. when it came to my first year in college meaning this year, I had to change my schedule around.  I ended up adding 2-D art.  This wasn't going to happen at first because i didn't think i was good enough.  I lucked out in getting a wonderful professor who taught me a lot.  This one class gave me the courage to think about what I could do with an art degree.  I know I really don't want to sell art work for a living but i know i want to use art in some shape or form in my life.

this month i stopped journaling in my art book.  It wasn't because I had nothing to put in it, it was because I was and am in J-term. I am taking an Art history class that i love so much.  We studied french art form 1776-1800s.  It has been an amazing class and has made me realize I not only need art in my life, I need art in my life to keep me mentally stable.

This is why i want to be an art teacher for high school kids. I want to be there for them so that if they have problems they can come to me for help.  I want kids to know it is okay to have depression and that sometimes it runs in the family like mine which makes it genetic.  I want kids to stop think and ask for help.  i think i can accomplish this more by being an art teacher then a therapist.  

The items of the day...more like week.

Today is friday!  Thank goodness I thought it would never happen.  The talk of the week at school in my friend group is about sex.  Yes, we have been having sex in the city nights every night.  Trying to get through all the seasons.  This began the conversation on sex before marriage.

This is a very big thing in college. More, I think in college then in high school, just because now people are able to live on there own without having to worry about your parents walking in on you and your boyfriend/girlfriend doing it.

This leads to a question.  Is it okay to have sex before marriage? And if so why, or why not?
I have to say I just always assumed I would wait till I got married to have sex.  Not because I was afraid God would condemn me but because it just made sense to me.  I have never felt ready to trust someone with that part of me.  Then when I have the What ifs in my head.  If I do have sex before what happens if we don't work out? What happens if then, he just wants me for the sex and not me?  What happens when we break up?  Anyone I have sex with is going to be so special that it will hurt like nothing in the world has.  But then if you add sex into the combination it would make it even harder to get over.

It took me 2 years to get over my first boyfriend, a year and a half of therapy and we never had sex.  On top of that, I was the one who broke up the relationship.


There are times I question whether I will ever have another relationship.  I be honest I scared out of my mind.  The last one ended so messy, and the kicker is we never had sex.  So I have to say until I am absolutely certain/ engaged/ married I won't have sex.  I am okay with that.  I have to say it has nothing to do with religion.  I could care less.  It is funny when you really think about it because if the "popular" religion told everyone to have sex before marriage people would be thinking the opposite.  Sex would be no big deal. More people would be smart about not ending up pregnant and our sense of sexuality would not be so over the top.

My old french teacher told me she didn't want her daughter growing up thinking being a virgin or having sex was a big deal because she wants her to be positive about her body, smart about having sex, understand the good and bad and know that just because you give yourself to one man doesn't mean that if you both split up you will not have the same of better experience with someone else.

For being in college.  It can be hard because there are times were it seems like everyone is hooking up.  The one problem for me is people have different definitions for "hooking up." I think it is something everyone even men should consider before entering into college or any sexual relationship.  Because one night you can be a care free teen and the next you have entered into an adult world, with adult issues.  The one kicker is usually parents get so mad or upset that if there kid was in trouble the parents won't know because they are scared of what they will say.

This is just my thought on life.  Take or leave it.

First day of the rest of my life

As I wrote the title for this posting I felt I was talking about getting married. I guess in someway college is about truly being married to yourself.  Trying to understand how to live with people in the dorms.  Figuring out my major and the implication it will on my life as i know it.  At time I feel I know exactly what I am going to do with my life.  Then life throughs me a curve ball!  There are times in my life I wish someone could tell me everything I need to know about my future so I will make the correct decisions in life.  After thinking about this for several minuets I realize even if my life in the future is perfect the only reason it is, is because I have failed, tried on different men, jobs, and even clothes.  That is why life is so messy.  If it wasn't we would never understand what is so great about our life to begin with.

I have an Art history test tomorrow I need to study for.  I guess I will say to anyone out there look for one thing out in the world today that makes you smile and pass it on to anyone in need of a smile.